Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone; you are the one who gets burned. –Buddha
How to stay calm when someone upsets you? How do you calm yourself when you are caught in an unpleasant situation? How do you deal with people who are getting into your nerves? Will you let anger take over, or will you shrug it off?
You may be a kind and tolerant person, but let’s face it, no matter how hard you try to avoid the feeling of anger and annoyance there will always be times when inconsiderate and deceitful people will test your patience. It is inevitable, and it is understandable if you get upset for a while, just don’t let the people who angered you get into your head. You can never control how other people behave, but you can control how you react and for how long you let the negative emotions dwell inside you.
That said here are some tips on how to stay calm when someone upsets you. How to regain your positive mindset when dealt with unpleasant people.
How To Stay Calm When Someone Upsets You
1. Allow yourself to be angry; take deep breaths
So… someone has upset you! You may think that you need to conceal the negative feelings by piling positive ones over them. You don’t. Every emotion is valid. You are only human and are entitled to feel whatever you need to feel during certain situations.
Repressed emotions will leave you with a heavy heart and sometimes lead to something worse. So check yourself. Are you clenching your teeth? Are the muscles in your arms and legs starting to tense up? Did you ball your hands up into fists?
If you answered yes, that is okay.
Acknowledge your anger when someone has upset you. Then take deep breaths to clear out the ‘clogs’ in your body that are keeping you from acquiring equanimity.
2. Refrain from talking back until you have regained your composure
It is human instinct to act upon something impulsively. Nevertheless, being impulsive doesn’t always bring about good outcomes. It is most likely that you will say something that you will regret later if you let your anger get the best of you.
So what do you do?
Pucker up. Purse your lips in order to avoid letting foul and abusive language escape from them; they will only make the situation worse and might give you bad reputation in the end. By doing so, you are not hiding your emotion. Rather, you are letting yourself feel the emotion and giving yourself enough time to simmer down. Anger is a temporary feeling and you only need to wait until it subsides.
3. Consider consequences
So, your mind went blank and before you knew it you “smashed a chair on someone’s face”. You got so upset that you screamed and shouted insults that were way below the belt. What good will come out of it? Nothing, absolutely nothing good will result if you let your anger consume you.
Reflect: words said and actions done can never be taken back. Before letting a word slip off your lips, contain yourself first and consider the consequences of your doings.
4. Act indifferently
So that other person really intended to get into your nerves and pushed all your buttons on purpose. There are people like that who make fools of themselves and go around annoying other people as if they did it for a living. They will try to get the best of you. And what is the best way to react but with indifference.
Show them you’re disinterested and go on with your life unaffected. Besides, there is no use in putting up with other people’s follies and lame tricks. It is a total waste of time. You will see that they’ll soon get tired and find themselves getting a dose of their own medicine.
5. Put in into writing
This is how most of the greatest writers of all time deal with their unspoken grievances. You may not be as poetic and literary as them but who minds? You’re doing this for yourself.
Grab a pen and paper. Pour all of your frustrations out onto the page. Write down everything that you wanted to tell the person who wronged you. Once you have let go of all of your pent up anger, you will actually feel lighter. You then burn the paper you wrote on, and imagine your anger dissipate into nothing, just like the smoke rising from the burning note.
6. Communicate your feelings and be open to the other person’s perspective
It is likely that you are not the only one who feels frustrated; the other person may also feel that you were in the wrong. You need to let the other person know how you feel and be considerate of his or her feelings.
You might just both end up realizing that you misunderstood each other, or better yet is that you find out that there is really no right or wrong. The two of you just had opposing opinions with different points of view who need to understand where the other one is coming from.
7. Listen to music
The easiest way to stay calm when someone upsets you is to put a record on. Divert your thoughts from all the negative vibes. Listen to your favorite songs and sing along. You can even dance your butt off if it makes you feel better. Above everything, prioritize your peace of mind and get your positive energy flowing again.
8. Talk to a friend
Talk to your closest friend, but do not complain about or badmouth the person who offended you, just have a conversation that will make you smile. Again, you need to divert your attention from all the negativity and focus on the bright side. Laugh. After all, it is still, and always will be, the best medicine.
9. Plan to make reconciliation, not retribution
Do not put the laws of nature in your hands. No act of revenge is necessary. The universe always has its hands working to teach people the lessons they need and make things fall into their right places. Do not let hate and anger take the wheel. It is your life and it is your choice as to what feelings you should hold on to and which of them you need to let go.
Think of the positive things in your life and you will learn how true appreciation and gratitude can always overshadow all the negative emotions you may have. Most importantly, do not hold on to the hot coal. Let go of it while you still can and enjoy the peace and love this world has to offer.
Image: Motivational Reads